June 12, 2008

Psalms 29:11
The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.
I skipped last week's T.T. because I just couldn't get my thoughts in order. My mind was racing with all my emotions from the weekend before (all the stuff with Darren's dad). Then we confronted his mom about it and ordered the death certificate. I just couldn't shake the anger, resentment, and frustration. I would try to compile some sort of post and nothing would come out. Then on Sunday we studied about peace in our Bible class. Even though I'm still upset those negative feelings aren't going to bring me any gain. I can't go back and change any of the outcomes. I'm not even really hurt that we didn't find "him", maybe that was God protecting Darren. I needed to find peace within myself so I could move past these feelings that were getting me no where. Honestly I didn't do anything in particular....I've been praying (I guess that is something) and I've just spent some time away from all of "it" meaning looking for some other relatives. That can get really overwhelming and stirs up all the whatif's again. I started looking at everything Darren has and what we should be thankful for. Even though he doesn't have a really strong relationship with his family and our kids don't have that side to really bond with we have so many others in our lives. My parents have always looked at Darren as one of their own, we've got tons of adoptive grandparents at church and Auntie's and close friends that I even feel are like my kids cousins (they don't have any yet). God provides what you need in many different ways. We are not short on love and so many people care for us. When I had that light bulb moment I really came to peace with all the frustration and just let it go. Like I said I'm still upset, but where would that get me and who would it benefit...only the devil... The Lord has given me strength and has blessed me with peace.
I just hope I can remember this the next time I get upset with Darren :-)


Jenny said...

It can be so hard to deal with family issues.

The family that I grew up being SO close to is divided now. It's been hard to deal with. It's made me more appreciative of the extended family I am still close to. But, I've also realized that as long as I have God, Brandon and my boys that I will be fine.

You guys are in my prayers!

Dawn said...

I do think of Hailey and Jack as Allyson's "adotptive cousins". But, that means it's still ok for Jack and Allyson to get married! :D

Tabby said...

Good thoughts, Stacia. It's so easy to lose your peace when you're dealing with something like that.