May 30, 2008

Heartbroken

I can't sleep...I just feel sick to my stomach and more than anything I want to pick up the phone and scream at someone on the other end but it's 1am...I don't think they'd like that too much. They probably wouldn't like that it's 1am either... Yesterday Darren basically sat his mother down and looked her square in the eye and wanted to know all about his dad. Where they met, when they divorced, why they divorced. Then he wanted to know if she had any idea where he might be....now remember.... Darren is 28. His father left when he was 2 and he's never even seen a picture of him. He's asked his mother about this before, like when we were getting married and when we were having our first child. All she handed us was his other grandmother's old address (it's no good, we looked it up when we first got married). Well....what do you know...yesterday she magically says that long ago when Darren was like 15 she told him that when he was ready she would give him a folder with everything in it!!! What the CRAP?!? He does not remember that. So today she dropped off an envelope that had an old tax form with his ssn (can you say awesome?) and their divorce record...still no picture though. Darren had already left for work so after me and the kids got back from our evening out I just popped in the ssn into Google and it took me to these sites where they will check the status for free. It took me all of like 5 min. and we've been looking for him for 7+ years with just his name and birthday....Well I found him! In Florida, Jacksonville to be exact. But we're 10 months too late... he passed away July 30, 2007. I tripled checked with other sites just to make sure and they all gave me the same info. I just started bawling. I called my dad and mom. I didn't know what to do...Do I call Darren at work? I couldn't go to sleep without telling him. I wanted to scream at his mom for keeping this from him. If we'd just had it all this time we'd have been able to find him sooner and maybe Darren could have had better closure than just death. So I called him and asked him to stop by the house whenever he got a chance, that of course scared him and he came right home. He was heartbroken when I let it out. I'm so sad for him, I think he thought this was going to be it...he'd finally find him. I didn't know what else to do so I just decided to blog about it...I hated that he had to turn around and go back to work. I told him that we could try to find where he is buried and maybe any survieing realitives...they would have a picture. AUGHHH!! I'm just sick over it...And yesterday was his dad's birthday...May 29th...how weird is that?!?

12 comments:

Tabby said...

Oh Stacia! I am so sorry! All I know to say is...everything happens for a reason. God is going to use this someday for something good...maybe Darren will be able to help someone else who is going through the same situation. I will be praying for him to find what he needs to get closure about it.

Love you,
Tabby

Aric and Amber said...

I'm crying just reading that. I hurt for you guys, for your babies and for his dad.

If you guys ever need to travel anywhere in FL you are always welcome to stop by here.

Tabby said...

Haha! Yes, I ate chips and salsa 2 days in a row for breakfast, then this morning I ate some leftover pasta salad that I made for dinner last night...I don't know what's up with me eating all this weird stuff for breakfast.

I got my picture in the mail today. Thank you so much! I love it! They are adorable!

Andrea said...

I'm so sorry to hear that Stacia. I can't imagine how hard that would be. I hope that maybe now Darren can find some information about his dad so he can still learn about who he was.

Jenny said...

I can't imagine how hard this is for your guys. You'll be in my prayers.

Vader's Mom said...

You guys are in my thoughts and prayers. My heart breaks for Darren (and you too)

Sarah said...

I am so sorry, Stacia. I can't imagine what Darren must be feeling. I know it is hard for you too seeing him go through this. You are in my prayers. You know I am just a phone call away if there is anything I can do. Love you guys.

Dawn said...

Oh, no! I was so upset about this I couldn't even tell Michael. I had to let him read it for himself.

You are in our thoughts and prayers. We are here for you.

And, why is Tabby joking around about food on this post? Disturbing. :/

Allene said...

I am Amber's sister-in-law's, mother-in-law, I pop into your blog from time to time. As I was reading this heart wrenching post I was at a loss to understand why such heartache happens in our lives.

One thing I do know, that Darren will never be dissappointed by his Heavenly Father, and I pray that in eternity he will be reunited with his biological dad.

Ever in His Presence,
Allene

Kelly said...

I am so, so sorry.

Anonymous said...

Stacia -
I hurt for you guys...why things happen the way they do I guess we'll never know until the end. I'll be praying for you. Love you guys!

Marisa

Twin Mommy said...

Hi Stacia, I just caught up on your blog. I'm sorry for what you are going through, especially Darren. Men handle things so differently, but one thing I do know is that he will find comfort in his own family- you and the kids. Make every day cheerful and fun and help him "forget" about his pain through happiness for his family. God will take care of the rest. -Susan Stinson