Heartbroken

I can't sleep...I just feel sick to my stomach and more than anything I want to pick up the phone and scream at someone on the other end but it's 1am...I don't think they'd like that too much. They probably wouldn't like that it's 1am either... Yesterday Darren basically sat his mother down and looked her square in the eye and wanted to know all about his dad. Where they met, when they divorced, why they divorced. Then he wanted to know if she had any idea where he might be....now remember.... Darren is 28. His father left when he was 2 and he's never even seen a picture of him. He's asked his mother about this before, like when we were getting married and when we were having our first child. All she handed us was his other grandmother's old address (it's no good, we looked it up when we first got married). Well....what do you know...yesterday she magically says that long ago when Darren was like 15 she told him that when he was ready she would give him a folder with everything in it!!! What the CRAP?!? He does not remember that. So today she dropped off an envelope that had an old tax form with his ssn (can you say awesome?) and their divorce record...still no picture though. Darren had already left for work so after me and the kids got back from our evening out I just popped in the ssn into Google and it took me to these sites where they will check the status for free. It took me all of like 5 min. and we've been looking for him for 7+ years with just his name and birthday....Well I found him! In Florida, Jacksonville to be exact. But we're 10 months too late... he passed away July 30, 2007. I tripled checked with other sites just to make sure and they all gave me the same info. I just started bawling. I called my dad and mom. I didn't know what to do...Do I call Darren at work? I couldn't go to sleep without telling him. I wanted to scream at his mom for keeping this from him. If we'd just had it all this time we'd have been able to find him sooner and maybe Darren could have had better closure than just death. So I called him and asked him to stop by the house whenever he got a chance, that of course scared him and he came right home. He was heartbroken when I let it out. I'm so sad for him, I think he thought this was going to be it...he'd finally find him. I didn't know what else to do so I just decided to blog about it...I hated that he had to turn around and go back to work. I told him that we could try to find where he is buried and maybe any survieing realitives...they would have a picture. AUGHHH!! I'm just sick over it...And yesterday was his dad's birthday...May 29th...how weird is that?!?